Man United fans are in for a real treat this December when Hotel Football opens next to Old Trafford. The 138-bed, 10-story hotel will be the first of hopefully many for Ryan Giggs and Gary Neville's business, GG Hospitality. The two former Red Devils have traveled the world extensively and stayed in many a hotel, especially Giggs who has lived in one recently. According to their website, their experiences have given them 'an innate understanding of what works and what doesn't' in the hospitality trade.
The press blitz for the new venture started awhile back, but what you will never find in an advert, brochure, or even press packet are the 'secret' special accommodations and menu items only available for those 'in the know'. I came across these revelations when I infiltrated 3 past 3, the secret society for former Manchester United players. Posing as Paul Parker, I attended a 'meeting' where I had in-depth conversations about the new venue with Nicky Butt and Paul Scholes. They let me in on some interesting features that won't be available to the general public at the hotel.
What I found most endearing was the apparent man-love former players have for Johnny Evans. There will be a secret suite named in his honor where, as it was put to me, 'you can get away with anything'. I have no idea what they were implying there. There will also be a special drink named for him called the 'GoHnny Bevans' (pronounced 'Johnny Bevans'), an interesting spelling nonetheless, but it's apparently a knock-out with the ladies and really gets them in the mood.
The penthouse suite will be covertly named 'the house Dwight Yorke built'. It will be the only personally-staffed suite with a minimally-dressed 'servant' (woman or man, your choice) and a bartender (again gender choice, shirt-optional). Along with it's own 8-seat bar, this suite will also feature a jacuzzi and a 'secret' bathroom called the 'Rooney' room which will feature 'all the latest technologies for your pleasure'. A personally written note from the United striker is given to each guest.
For those who can afford it, a massage therapist will be available 24 hours a day, either by room visit or in the Tommy Docherty office located in the basement. There will also be an extensive security system with hundreds of cameras strategically placed through out the facility. The room housing the nearly sixty monitors for those cameras is named after former club chairman Martin Edwards, a man who is known for his remarkable peeping abilities. A concierge who is knowledgeable of all the local entertainment including a non-age discriminate 'companionship' service recommended by Wayne Rooney, will also be available and on call at all hours.
Special secret menu items at the Cafe Football include a pie called the Zaha, 'so good it'll be like shagging your manager's daughter', and the Anderson, a prawn delicacy that'll disappear so fast 'you'll never realize how much it cost.' Special drinks include 'the Ferguson' which will, according to David Moyes, 'turn your nose red and leave you a mess to deal with', as well as the 'Van Gaal' which apparently makes you regret things you do and say almost immediately.
Now that I'm in the know, I can't wait to stay there. Hopefully I'll get a room close to Giggsy.
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